Or, apparently, so says Oprah Winfrey. Unbelievable. See, this afternoon on her show, Oprah will announce her next Book Club selection. The front page of Amazon offers a sneak peek. It's appalling. Given Oprah's unmitigated support of James Frey, author of her last pick, despite the revelations that his memoir is pretty much all made up, I've learned to rely on Oprah for compelling works of fiction masquerading as the truth. Just like Dr. Phil's advice and those low-fat cupcakes she says won't cause you to put on any weight. Well, not if you eat fifty of them. Not if you eat fifty. Anyway, so I see her latest pick, and now, of course, we know the truth.
Oprah thinks the Holocaust never happened. It's appalling. The book is Night, by Elie Wiesel, an eloquent and moving Holocaust memoir. But now, thanks to Oprah, all we can do is wait. Wait for The Smoking Gun to get its crack team of researchers on the case, so we can find out the truth. Wait for the evidence to appear, wait for the sham interview on Larry King Live, and wait for Oprah to once again defend the truth of something it's clear to her and to everyone isn't true at all. Oprah knows exactly what she's doing. The James Frey thing -- just like Bush's sham first choice for the Supreme Court, Harriet Miers -- was a decoy to set up what was next. Expectations were lowered after Bush picked Miers, and now Sam Alito can slide right through to confirmation, despite the evidence that he drives around his neighborhood with a dog-catcher's truck, snatching up all the children playing outside and taking them home to his backyard altar where he sacrifices them to the God of Unrestricted Capitalism.
Similarly, it wasn't James Frey that Oprah was concerned with. She knew his book was fiction all along, but she wanted to set up the pattern. Now everyone knows that when Oprah picks a memoir, it's not real. And that's how she's going to brainwash the country that the Holocaust never happened. She's an evil, evil woman, with a frightening agenda, and somehow she must be stopped. I'm not sure how, but hopefully someone will find a way. Before she strikes again, with her next selection, perhaps David McCullough's 1776, which will prove once and for all that we never actually gained independence from Britain, and suddenly the price of tea will go through the roof and all dental insurance will be eliminated. She needs to be stopped. For the sake of the nation.
If you check out that Amazon page for Elie Weisel's book, you'll find what I think is a pretty hilarious user review: "I have read many accounts of the Holocaust, but I think this one is the clearest. It is a short story (thank goodness!) and not cluttered with lots of dialogue." Yes, thank goodness it's a short story. Thank goodness it went so quickly, the killing and everything, so we wouldn't have to read too many pages. Thank goodness no one talked, or that dialogue would have been a burden to read and really eaten up my lunch break. Thank goodness the story of the Holocaust is so concise. Yes, thank goodness.
The version of Night without the Oprah sticker, which you can get for $1.69 used instead of about 4 times that price, has some other gems in the user reviews. Seriously, you can check for yourself:
"I'm not going to talk about the book at all because I don't want to give anything away."
"I don't enjoy this book. I'm not really into reading. Too much death. But if you're into the holocaust and graphic descriptions of death and dying this book is for you!"
"I also didn't like his mood. He was too much about the nazi and stuff. It got boring after a while.... Its got no enthusiasm and is depressing."
"The only good part was when Elie's dad died."
"What is the Holocaust? I never knew about the Holocaust until I read the book Night."
"All together this was a pretty good book it would have been an excellent book if it had more irony."
"The reason i did not like this book was because I am a hores freak. My friends say that I eat, dream, and sleep horses. Which in most cases is true. Most the time when i read a book it has to do somthing with horse or i just not intrested in reading the book."
"I also thought that the plot was not well thought of."