New on McSweeney's-- "Sorry Everyone, My Personal Website Is Now Behind A Paywall

Excerpt:

The Mom Plan

This plan includes unlimited access to the popular daily Job Search Report (now celebrating its six-month anniversary), the Alcohol Consumption Meter, my award-winning First Date Recaps, the weekly “Do I Need A Haircut?” live-cam, and limited access to the refrigerator (solely for the purpose of filling it with food and not to judge its contents). This plan also comes with two reluctant phone calls per week and my Bronze customer service plan, which promises to respond to emails within 48 hours, except when I don’t feel like it. 

Here's the link.