My Grandma Reviews: Governor Spitzer

"So did you hear about Governor Spitzer?"

"Yeah, Jeremy, I did, but I want you to explain something to me.  What exactly did he do?"

"I'm not totally sure of the details, but they're saying he was involved in a prostitution ring.  So, he used some company -- I don't know if you'd even call it a company -- organized crime, some sort of group of people who charged money for people to use their prostitutes.  And he called them and arranged to have sex with one of their prostitutes."

"So all he did was use a prostitute for sex?"

"Um, yeah, I think... but, like, as part of a bigger thing, so, different from, I don't know, someone finding a prostitute on the street, which would obviously also be a scandalous thing, but, yeah, I guess."

"He wasn't making money from other people using the prostitutes?  Was he involved with the financial matters of this prostitution ring?"

"I don't think so, no, I don't think he was *running* a prostitution ring, no."

"So what's the big deal?"

"Well, it's illegal.  Besides being disgusting and completely at odds with what he's always claimed to stand for in his public life, and completely terrible for his wife and kids, and, um, really illegal.  He's being indicted."

"For just using a prostitute for sex?  You mean to tell me that's illegal?"

"Yes."

"So, wait, let me get this straight.  If a man goes to a prostitute, he can be arrested."

"Yes."

"Well, what about the prostitute?  How can she--"

"That's illegal too."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

"But what about the hundreds and hundreds of prostitutes you see?"

"What?  Where do you see prostitutes?  In the senior center?"

"In the movies, there's always prostitutes."

"At the theater?"

"Well, no.  But in the movies."

"It's illegal!"

"I didn't think that was illegal!  I just thought it was something, you know, not good, but the kind of thing people sort of turned a blind eye to.  Everyone goes to prostitutes!  How long has it been illegal?"

"I don't know... but I assume for your entire life..."

"That can't be.  In my day, everyone went to prostitutes."

"What are you talking about?  Who goes to prostitutes?"

"Oh, come on, when I was young, my father had a bunch of men over to the house every week to play cards, and I would hear what they would talk about, and they would always be very blase about it, they would say that when their sons got to a certain age, and they started getting sexual urges, they would just send them to a prostitute in the neighborhood and they could deal with those urges.  And the men would talk about going themselves too.  As long as you knew the woman and she was in the neighborhood, it all seemed perfectly normal."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You mean to tell me none of your friends go to prostitutes?"

"Not as far as I'm aware, no."

"Well, that's why I never got the feeling you could go to jail just for going to a prostitute.  How did they catch Spitzer anyway?"

"The government was tapping the phones of this prostitution ring, and he was one of the people on the line."

"So they just heard his voice?"

"I'm not sure of the details."

"Well, that's certainly unlucky!"

"I'd use a different word, but, sure."

"Oh, then I think this will hurt his reputation."

"Yeah, he's going to resign."

"Over a prostitute.  Imagine."

"Grandma, I seriously don't believe this conversation."

"You just live in a different generation, that's all.  And how much did he pay?"

"Like $5,000."

"Oh, that's ridiculous.  You can get one for a lot less than that!"

Comments

[starchase]

OMG that is hilarious... as long as she is from the neighborhood its fine!

Love your Grandma.

[Dave Merrigan]

Jeremy, just read this post to my fiancee'...she's cracking up. So funny.

[RES]

Your grandmother is a wise woman.

RES

[Andrea]

Oh man, I lost it at "Where do you see prostitutes? At the senior center?"

[Nona]

Prostitution is one of the few felonies that can be sealed on a criminal record, but solicitation of a prostitute cannot be sealed. Explain that one!

[Dave!]

Best. Grandma Post. Ever. :)

[Yep]

Does your Grandma really exist, or are her posts the new AL?

[tonya]

this made me laugh out loud...i LOVE your grandmother. what a character!

[Jennifer]

your grandma is the best. best lines:

"What? Where do you see prostitutes? In the senior center?"
"You mean to tell me none of your friends go to prostitutes?"

actually, i can sort of see why your grandma felt that way... prostitution is one of those weird businesses where it's illegal but talked about as if it's not..

i think if you were able to blog as an anonymous grandmother, that would be AWESOME. but your grandma (and elderly people in general) can be kind of unpredictable..

[Emily]

This just gets better and better.