Jeremy Blachman's Weblog: 2012

President Bush: The Cliff's Notes

I didn't catch President Bush's speech tonight, but the transcript is here.  It's a lot to wade through.  I thought I'd save you the trouble.  An attempt to distill the speech down, one sentence per paragraph.

We're at war.
The Iraqi election last year was cool.
But now there's lots of violence.
Oops.
Failure would be bad.
Failure would be very bad.
Most of the violence is near Baghdad.
We're not securing Baghdad very well.
We will secure Baghdad better.
This will take a lot of new troops.
But these troops will help us secure Baghdad better.
The Iraqi government needs to help too.
Hopefully this will lead to less violence.
And make the Iraqi people more confident.
The Iraqi government needs to help too.
We will help them.
We will also fight al Qaeda.
Which we are currently doing.
Iran is bad too.
The whole middle east is a little icky.
We should fix that.
Really, we should.
But back to Iraq.
Victory there would be good.
We need to stay there or bad stuff will happen.
Congress hates me.
But I'm forming a committee.
The military is awesome.
America is awesome.
My speech is over.

Cotton Candy

When did they start selling cotton candy as a bag with 4 balls of it inside?  When I was a kid, cotton candy came in an amount you can ball up in one hand and stuff into your mouth.  Now it's like 4 or 5 or 17 handfuls.  That's a lot of sugar.  I mean, it's pretty unappealing regardless, but in that quantity, it seems even more so.

In related news, how many Cracker Jacks can one person eat?

Baseball games are fun.

Book Expo!

The bar exam post I promised is coming, I swear.  Hopefully tomorrow.  In the meantime, I've been taking a look at the website for BookExpo America, the conference my publisher is sending me to this weekend.

The first thing I looked at were the educational sessions at the conference.  Here were some of the ones that looked exciting.  Tell me which of these I should attend.

"Are You Ready for ISBN-13?  Only Six Months to Go…"

"Supply Chain Tracking: Improving Publisher Profitability via Customer Sales and Inventory Data"

"Aim Globally!  Think GDSN (Global Data Synchronized Network)"

"The Copyright Office Comes to BookExpo America"

"Creating and Implementing an Environmental Paper Policy:  Publisher Case Study"

"Your Library on Steroids:  How Public Libraries are Transforming their Communities"

"Bookstore Tourism: The Independent Bookstore as Group Travel Destination"

Okay, I'm being stupid.  I'm picking on the titles of panels that are probably really useful to people who do this for a living, but I happen to think sound really dry.  It's not fair.  I could do this about any conference for anything.  I feel really excited to go to BookExpo, mostly for the chance to get some free books.  This post is only meant to be funny.  I do not mean anything by it.

Next I looked at the list of books that authors will be autographing.  Here are some of the titles:

"Did You Say Pears?"
(Okay, this is a children's book about homonyms.  But oh so funny if it wasn't.  Just imagine how exciting this book could be.)

"Afterlife Encounters: Everyday people report extraordinary visits from beyond death."

"Chicken Soup for the Father/Daughter Soul"

"Dr. Susan's Girls-Only Weight Loss Guide: The Easy, Fun way to look and feel good!  Supportive, self-esteem shaping information plus practical advice for teens 11-17 and their parents."
(Should we really have diet books for 11 year old girls?  Really?  Honestly?)

"How to Kill Your Boyfriend (in Ten Easy Steps)"
(I'll see if I can find this one and then offer it up to an interested blog reader)

"Chicken Soup for the Mother & Son's Soul"

"The I Chong: Comedian Tommy Chong's memoir inspired by his time in prison."

"What to Do When You're Sad & Lonely: A Guide for Kids"

"A Prayer for the Night, An Ohio Amish Mystery"
(I can't find the clues.  If only we could turn the lights on.  Quick!  He's getting away.  On foot.)

"Look What I'm Eating: Delightful book that teaches children about the nutritional benefits of food."
(Not to be confused with Look What Else I'm Eating, which teaches children about the nutritional benefits of paint)

"My Senator and Me: A behind the scenes look at the life of a Senator told from the point of view of his dog."
(This is by Ted Kennedy.  Read that last part of the sentence again.  From the point of view of his dog???)

"The Dog Diet"

"Dressing the Man You Love: A Woman's Guide to Purchasing, Coordinating, and Caring for His Classic Wardrobe"

"Making Peace With Your Thighs"

"The Gentle Way - A Self-Help Guide For Those Who Believe in Angels"
(Why do they need self-help?  Won't the angels help them?)

"Sneeze-Free Dog Breeds"
(The dogs don't sneeze, or the people?)

"Heart Disease: What Your Doctor Won't Tell You"

"Knitting Rules! A humorous examination of the myths and rules that knitters accept as gospel."
(Wow.  This book sounds so terrifyingly unappealing.)

"Needy: Looking for a Soulmate . . . but Settling for a Stalemate"

"Window Fashions 6th Edition: A myriad of window treatments for any room in the home."
(For any room in the home!!!)

"Ballsy: 99 Ways to Grow a (Bigger) Pair and Score Extreme Business Success"

"Success in 30 Seconds: Discover the Secrets of a Winning First Impression"
(If this book doesn't grab you on the first page...)

"Brownies to Die For!"
(I'll take the weight loss book with that... and the heart disease book too.)

"Las Vegas Little Red Book: A Girl's Guide to the Perfect Vegas Weekend"

"Best Fantastic Erotica: Anthology collecting the winners of the annual search for the best erotic science fiction and fantasy"
(I'm scared.  Really.)

"Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover's Soul 2"
(It'll never be as good as the first volume.  God.  Save me.)

"How I Lost 10 Pounds in 53 Years"

"My Father the Dog"

"You're Sharp Enough to be Your Own Surgeon"

"The Secret Life of Math"

"Pancakes for Supper!"
(Okay, kids book, not diet book.  But it could have been!)

Breaking News

Breaking news.  Turns out Kaavya Viswanathan isn't even Indian.  She actually stole her identity from an Indian classmate, and her family's actually Welsh.  Seriously, I hope she has a good support network.  I'd hate to be in her shoes.  Actually, she probably stole her shoes from another author.

Oh, nevermind.  I'm about a week late to even be trying.

Just a random sketch

I just wrote a sketch I think is sort of funny.  Figured I'd share.  I just wrote it, so I may think it's funnier than it really is.

(Lights up on a living room. Matt sits on the couch watching TV. We hear a door open. Matt turns. Steve enters, coat on, wearing a backpack.)

STEVE
Yo.

MATT
Yo.

STEVE
You spend the whole day watching TV?

MATT
Pretty much.

STEVE
So you didn’t, oh, I don’t know, do the dishes?

MATT
Nope. Sorry. I’ll do them tomorrow.

STEVE
You said that yesterday.

MATT
Yeah. Sorry.

STEVE
You don’t DO anything all day. Why can’t you just do the dishes?

MATT
I don’t not DO anything. I’m getting ready for an audition on Friday. I need to find my emotional center. I don’t have the energy to worry about the dishes.

STEVE
I guess this is what I get for living with… an actor.

MATT
You say that like it’s a worthless thing I do. Acting is a noble profession. Wait. Hold that thought for a second. (Matt grabs a newspaper off the couch and holds it like it means something.) Acting is a noble profession.

STEVE
There’s an article in the paper about it?

MATT
No. I just thought the line sounded better with a prop in my hand.

STEVE
Wow. Just do the dishes and stop making excuses.

MATT
They’re not excuses. I need my head to be clear for this part. I need to capture the essence of the character, a down-on-his-luck yet upwardly mobile textile worker in 1840s Lowell, Massachusetts. (beat.) He doesn’t do the dishes. (Matt gets up and moves to another spot on the stage.) A down-on-his-luck yet upwardly mobile textile worker in 1840s Lowell, Massachusetts. (beat.) He doesn’t do the dishes.

STEVE
I heard you the first time.

MATT
Yeah, but there’s better light over here.

STEVE
There’s terrific light over by the sink.

MATT
You won’t trick me with that one again. (second time with more deliberate choices.) You… won’t trick me with that one… again. (third time even more over-the-top.) You won’t trick me with that one again. Yet again. Again. (he picks up the newspaper.) Again. (he moves to new light.) Again.

STEVE
It’s been two years, and you haven’t gotten a single part you’ve auditioned for.

MATT
It takes time. The life of an actor is a hard one.

STEVE
Not yours. You don’t even do the dishes.

MATT
Still with the dishes. Look, if we’re actually going to argue about this I need to put new pants on. This isn’t a good arguing costume.

STEVE
I don’t want to argue, Matt. I just want a clean fork. I know it’s hard for you, but I work all day and I’m tired, and I don’t want to wash the dishes either. I know you’re not trying to be difficult.

MATT
(interrupting) No.

STEVE
What?

MATT
The emotional reconciliation can’t come until the second act. Save it. We need to get all of our feelings out on the table. We need a heated climax before we can recover. Yell at me. Tell me what you’re feeling.

(Steve starts to say something.)

MATT
Hold a dirty fork while you do it. Hold the fork. It’ll make it more dramatic.

(Steve picks a dirty fork out of the sink, not entirely sure why.) 

STEVE
Holding this fork isn’t going to make a difference. I’m not mad, I’m just frustrated.

MATT
Roll your sleeves up.

(Steve rolls his sleeves up, half-heartedly.) 

MATT
And move over toward me, in the light.

(Steve moves toward Matt, sleeves rolled up, holding the fork.) 

MATT
And let it all out. 

STEVE (holding the fork limply)
I just want a clean fork.

MATT (reaching out and moving Steve’s arm)
No, thrust the fork at me. Really make your point.

STEVE (with more passion)
I just want a clean fork! 

(Matt moves Steve’s whole body six inches to the left and unbuttons one of the buttons on his shirt.)

STEVE (even more passion)
I just want a clean fork!

MATT
Even more.

STEVE (lots of passion)
I just want a clean fork! (as he says it, he thrusts the fork at Matt and stabs him with it. It’s now stuck in Matt’s chest. Matt is thrilled. Steve is shocked at what he’s done)

MATT
Great. Curtain. Ten-minute intermission and then we’ll talk about the laundry.

(Matt exits. Steve remains in shock. Lights fade.)

April Fools Jokes On Law Firm Websites

Two years ago, I wrote a post called "April Fools Jokes on Law School Websites."  Today, I figured I'd poke around some law firm websites and see what I could find.  I think it's more fun to present these without the firm names, so that's why I'm leaving them out, but it's all probably google-able.  Feel free to add your own in the comments, since this is less funny than I hoped it would be, and I'll probably do a better April Fools post later anyway, since this really isn't that thrilling.  Anyway:

1. "We encourage participation in professional and community affairs and, while always placing the needs of clients above private convenience, we seek to observe reasonable schedules of work which will make that participation possible, at the same time preserving a normal and healthy family life."

2. "There is no minimum number of billable or pro bono hours an associate must meet."

3. "At the heart of our culture is its seniority-based compensation system for partners that avoids internal dissension and competition."

4. "Our partners frequently form collaborative legal teams."

5. "Our attorneys are active in a wide range of community activities."

6. "Most lawyers take the 20 days of vacation leave that the firm offers each year."

7. "Helping our employees to balance home and work life is one of the firm's core values."

8. "Family life and life outside the practice of law are also important, and the Firm strives to make this difficult balance easier for attorneys trying to 'have it all.'"

9. "The Firm also solicits feedback from its associates on general workplace issues."

10. "We look forward to hearing from you."

Black. White.

I wrote last week about the new FX show, Black. White., about a white family that wears black makeup and a black family that wears white makeup, and they go out into the world to see how people treat them, and hopefully to learn something about racism.  It doesn't entirely work, but the concept's interesting.  I was talking about it to a friend last week, and we came up with some other combinations they should try:

Ugly. Pretty.  They make a pretty person ugly and an ugly person pretty, and see how they're treated in the world, maybe they do speed dating, try and get a job as a waitress, etc.  I actually think, in all seriousness, this would be a pretty interesting show to watch.  My suggestions will go downhill from here, I promise, but this one seems like an actual potential sequel, and one that would be even easier to pull off than Black. White.

Old. Young.  OK, making a young person look old is pretty straightfoward -- makeup, some weights in their legs to make them walk slower, maybe some foggy glasses to simulate cataracts, a sleeping pill to slow their mind (I'm not serious), I don't know.  Making an old person young seems harder, but maybe there's some magic makeup, and a hairstylist could work wonders... someone could do something, it doesn't seem insurmountable.  And then see how they're treated -- walking down the street, in stores, trying to buy fancy clothing, maybe trying to buy something really technological, like a computer.  I think that would be interesting.

Fat. Thin.  Again, one way is easy to transform, the other one, not so much.  Maybe put them on stilts to make them taller and spread the weight around some more.  I don't know.  Baggy clothing?  But the concept could be cool -- are fat people treated differently?

Tall. Short.  OK, maybe making a tall person short is impossible.  Maybe he can wear fun house mirrors to fool people into thinking he's short.  I don't know.  But interesting in theory.

Blind. Deaf.  ...and that's when I stop and acknowledge I've taken the gimmick too far....

Any others?

Who Wants To Be Angelina Jolie's Next Adopted Child?

My friend Rob and I came up with an idea for a new reality show.  The competition element of Survivor, with the audience participation of American Idol, with the celebrity factor of Dancing with the Stars, with the international appeal of the Olympics.

"Who Wants To Be A Celebrity's Next Adopted Kid?"

A dozen orphans from countries around the world (China! Rwanda! Canada!) compete to be the one kid that a well-known celebrity will end up adopting at the end of the program.  On week one, we introduce the celebrity, some likable famous person who's eager to adopt a child and give him or her an amazingly overprivileged life.  Each week, the children do something -- show off a talent, take an IQ test, prance around in a swimsuit, whatever -- and the audience calls in to vote one of the twelve orphans "Back to the Orphanage" until only one child is left, and that's the winner.

I'd watch it, wouldn't you?

Arby's

I saw an Arby's commercial earlier, announcing that now their chicken sandwiches are made with 100% natural chicken.  Maybe I heard wrong, but this was the second time I saw it and the second time I came away with the question: "What the heck were they made with before????"  Frightening.

Update on my Cable TV

My television hasn't been working for about a week.  The cable box wasn't getting a signal.  So Time Warner sent someone today, and he went to the roof to check on the wires, and he comes back down and tells me, "Looks like someone in your building had cable installed last week, and whichever technician hooked him up yanked out your wire to make room.  So I put a splitter in there and plugged you back in."  Well, okay, thanks... but I'm a little confused about the technician who decided to disconnect us.  Oh well.  It's just cable.

Rough transcript of phone conversation with my grandmother 90 minutes after I took Robitussin, reconstructed from notes I took while on the phone and thinking this could be a funny post.

Grandma: "How's your cold?"
Me: "It's okay.  I took Robitussin."
Grandma: "If you were here I could have given you Robitussin.  I have a whole bottle."
Me: "You probably have a different kind than what I took.  They have all different kinds."
Grandma: "I'm looking.  I have DM.  What does that mean?"
Me: "It's for dextromethorphan.  There are a bunch of ingredients and they mix them all up to make in confusing with all the different kinds.  Cough and cold.  Cold and chest congestion.  Cough and flu.  Flu and cough.  Cough and foot.  Arm and shoulder.  Cough, cold, and thirsty.  It's confusing.  I took CF."
Grandma: "I have something else in here too.  It's a cough syrup with codeine.  I don't remember getting this."
Me: "That sounds like it would be a prescription."
Grandma: "Yeah.  It says January 2005.  So a year ago.  I didn't even use it.  It's a whole bottle.  I'm glad I have this."
Me: "Why are you glad you have it?  You should probably throw it out."
Grandma: "I don't throw anything out."
Me: "It's probably not good anymore."
Grandma: "Eh, I'll leave it.  I have all sorts of things in here."
Me: "I'm sure you do."
Grandma: "I was just talking to your uncle.  I had this nice plant and it had grown to like a foot and a half and I came downstairs a few days ago and the leaves were all limp and it looks like it's dead."
Me: "Terrorists."
Grandma: "What?"
Me: "Maybe it was terrorists."
Grandma: "No, I think I gave it too much water."
Me: "Maybe.  Did you see the news thing about the ABC anchor who got hurt in Iraq?"
Grandma: "No, I didn't see it, I just got home."
Me: "Woodruff, on Channel 7."
Grandma: "Oh, he seems nice.  You know who I don't like?  That guy on CNN who's always on, what's his name?"
Me: "Anderson Cooper?"
Grandma: "Yeah.  He looks like a spoiled brat."
Me: "They like him because he shows emotion on TV."
Grandma: "I think he talks too fast.  And his name is all over the screen, on the top, flying back and forth.  And what's that number they put after his name all the time?  What does that mean?"
Me: "360?"
Grandma: "Yeah.  What is 360?"
Me: "It's the number of degrees in a circle.  It's like he's looking all around.  I don't know.  I guess it's stupid once you think about it."
Grandma: "Yeah.  And what did they do with the guy from before?"
Me: "Aaron Brown?"
Grandma: "Yeah.  I liked him.  I think they think he talked too slow.  I notice people on the news are talking faster and faster, and it's not just because I'm getting older.  I think they have to talk faster to get more news in a shorter time so they can have more commercials."
Me: "Maybe.  They fired Aaron Brown."
Grandma: "Oh, I feel terrible for him.  I liked him."

"And it's not just for pets!"

I just saw a commercial for a product called "Urine Gone."  That's right, Urine Gone.  Nothing subtle about this product.  It removes urine stains.  It doesn't just mask them like other stain removers, but actually has a special enzyme formula that destroys them.  At one point, the announcer said, "And it works on all kinds of surfaces!" and a list appeared on the screen.  Wood, linoleum, carpet, and, somewhere in the middle of the list, "feces."  Really.  Here's my question.  If you've got a urine stain on top of feces, is the urine really the biggest problem here?  "Honey, I got all the urine off the feces, the house is clean now."  That doesn't even make any sense.  And then, right at the end of the ad, "And it's not just for pets!"  Real subtle, makers of Urine Gone.  And, according to the website, the product comes with a free black light, so you can find your very own urine stains, wherever they lurk.  What fun.

And: apparently this stuff doesn't even work:

Our volunteer Tami Michaels thought it worked really well but other consumers complain that some enzyme cleaners remove the stain initially -- only to have it return later.

Tami says 2 weeks later, the pet urine stain in her white carpet "does" appear to be coming back slightly....

And don't confuse this with a similar enzyme product called "Urine-Off".

Airborne

So I've been using these Airborne lozenges for about 7 hours now.  They say to suck on one lozenge an hour.  I feel a little bit better.  Maybe these things do work.  But I'm not really understanding the sales pitch.  "Created by a second grade school teacher!"  This is a medical product.  I'm hoping it gets rid of my cold.  Why is it a good thing that a second grade teacher created this as opposed to, say, a doctor.  With a medical degree.  They say she was tired of getting colds all the time, and so she came up with this special formula.  I understand why a teacher would like this product.  I just don't understand how a teacher would make the product.

I think it might be a failure of the educational system, actually.  We're giving people too much self-esteem.  They think they can do anything they set their mind to.  Well, not all of us can.  I may think it would be cool to fly to outer space, but I don't know how to build a rocket, and if I try, and come up with something that sorta looks like a rocket, you'd probably regret it if you let me light it on fire with you inside, just to see what would happen.

I don't get why the sales pitch is working.  Why anyone is thinking, "Oh, a second grade teacher made these medicinal things -- that means they must be great!"  They don't even tell us if she was a *good* teacher.  What are her students' test scores?  Do parents like her?  Where does she teach?  I liked my second grade teacher a lot, but I don't think I'd trust her to heal me.  That's why we had a school nurse.  I wouldn't trust the nurse to teach me math.  It's just not something she's trained to do.

I fear the success of Airborne will lead to all sorts of other attempts for people faced with problems to try and create their own solutions and market them as such.  But will it work?  I don't know.

"Gonorrhea cream -- created by a real prostitute!"  Does that inspire confidence?  Not to me.

Yet I bought this stuff, and it seems to maybe be working.  So what do I know?

Planet of the Offensive Online Recommendation Engines

There's a New York Times article today about online recommendation engines from stores like Amazon, NetFlix, and iTunes.  The highlight:

Earlier this month, Walmart.com issued a public apology and took down its entire cross-selling recommendation system when customers who looked at a boxed set of movies that included "Martin Luther King: I Have a Dream" and "Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson" were told they might also appreciate a "Planet of the Apes" DVD collection, as well as "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" and other irrelevant titles.

That's great.  So I decided to try a little experiment.  I signed up for a new Amazon account and added the most offensive products I could think of to my wish list, to see what recommendations I'd get.  I made a wish list consisting of:

• Mein Kampf, by Adolf Hitler
• A confederate flag leather vest (check it out, it's really ridiculous)
• David Duke's book, Jewish Supremacism (according to one of the Amazon reader reviews, this is the edition "with the addition of a section on the Israeli foreknowledge of the 9/11 attacks."  That's a relief.)
• Bring It On, by Pat Robertson (a book of Robertson's answers to questions like "Do Clones Have Souls?" -- seriously, that's an example listed in the excerpt)
• Gigli DVD (Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez)

Among the recommendations generated:

• Mariah Carey's Glitter DVD
• An appropriately-titled book called "Why Johnny Can't Think" (well, if he's reading everything on my wish list...)
• "The Politically Incorrect Guide to American History"
• Alfie, with Jude Law
• Maybe the world's worst-titled book ever, "Hell's Best Kept Secret."  The very first line of the first Amazon reader review on the page: "Satan does not want you to read this book! Though it has been out for a decade, it has really been continually suppressed by the Devil. Not anymore! With the Internet as a resource, as long as there are brothers like myself who are convicted of God's word, I will make sure that this secret is no longer kept hidden!"

This didn't actually teach me anything, but it was sort of fun to fool around with.

The Holocaust Never Happened

Or, apparently, so says Oprah Winfrey.  Unbelievable.  See, this afternoon on her show, Oprah will announce her next Book Club selection.  The front page of Amazon offers a sneak peek.  It's appalling.  Given Oprah's unmitigated support of James Frey, author of her last pick, despite the revelations that his memoir is pretty much all made up, I've learned to rely on Oprah for compelling works of fiction masquerading as the truth.  Just like Dr. Phil's advice and those low-fat cupcakes she says won't cause you to put on any weight.  Well, not if you eat fifty of them.  Not if you eat fifty.  Anyway, so I see her latest pick, and now, of course, we know the truth. 

Oprah thinks the Holocaust never happened.  It's appalling.  The book is Night, by Elie Wiesel, an eloquent and moving Holocaust memoir.  But now, thanks to Oprah, all we can do is wait.  Wait for The Smoking Gun to get its crack team of researchers on the case, so we can find out the truth.  Wait for the evidence to appear, wait for the sham interview on Larry King Live, and wait for Oprah to once again defend the truth of something it's clear to her and to everyone isn't true at all.  Oprah knows exactly what she's doing.  The James Frey thing -- just like Bush's sham first choice for the Supreme Court, Harriet Miers -- was a decoy to set up what was next.  Expectations were lowered after Bush picked Miers, and now Sam Alito can slide right through to confirmation, despite the evidence that he drives around his neighborhood with a dog-catcher's truck, snatching up all the children playing outside and taking them home to his backyard altar where he sacrifices them to the God of Unrestricted Capitalism. 

Similarly, it wasn't James Frey that Oprah was concerned with.  She knew his book was fiction all along, but she wanted to set up the pattern.  Now everyone knows that when Oprah picks a memoir, it's not real.  And that's how she's going to brainwash the country that the Holocaust never happened.  She's an evil, evil woman, with a frightening agenda, and somehow she must be stopped.  I'm not sure how, but hopefully someone will find a way.  Before she strikes again, with her next selection, perhaps David McCullough's 1776, which will prove once and for all that we never actually gained independence from Britain, and suddenly the price of tea will go through the roof and all dental insurance will be eliminated.  She needs to be stopped.  For the sake of the nation.

If you check out that Amazon page for Elie Weisel's book, you'll find what I think is a pretty hilarious user review: "I have read many accounts of the Holocaust, but I think this one is the clearest. It is a short story (thank goodness!) and not cluttered with lots of dialogue."  Yes, thank goodness it's a short story.  Thank goodness it went so quickly, the killing and everything, so we wouldn't have to read too many pages.  Thank goodness no one talked, or that dialogue would have been a burden to read and really eaten up my lunch break.  Thank goodness the story of the Holocaust is so concise.  Yes, thank goodness. 

The version of Night without the Oprah sticker, which you can get for $1.69 used instead of about 4 times that price, has some other gems in the user reviews.  Seriously, you can check for yourself:

"I'm not going to talk about the book at all because I don't want to give anything away."

"I don't enjoy this book. I'm not really into reading. Too much death. But if you're into the holocaust and graphic descriptions of death and dying this book is for you!"

"I also didn't like his mood. He was too much about the nazi and stuff. It got boring after a while.... Its got no enthusiasm and is depressing."

"The only good part was when Elie's dad died."

"What is the Holocaust? I never knew about the Holocaust until I read the book Night."

"All together this was a pretty good book it would have been an excellent book if it had more irony."

"The reason i did not like this book was because I am a hores freak. My friends say that I eat, dream, and sleep horses. Which in most cases is true. Most the time when i read a book it has to do somthing with horse or i just not intrested in reading the book."

"I also thought that the plot was not well thought of."